You did actually read that title correctly. A little context: some of my best memories from high school revolve around Pirates of the Caribbean. I had a close group of friends who were all big fans of the movie. And I still do–we’re still friends. One way this fandom and friendship manifested itself was that I ended up writing a POTC novel that pulled in a lot of the randomness of our high school friendship. I only half count it as one of my novels, as I think it’s more accurate to call it a 200-page extended joke.
The essential plot-line (such as there was) is that Captain Jack Sparrow returns to Port Royal, and Commodore Norrington and his soldiers spend a night chasing Jack, Will and Elizabeth through a very bizarre cornfield. I refuse to be held responsible for all the craziness, as some of it definitely came from my friends.
For Fiction Friday this week, I thought I’d share the opening chapter of Pirates of the Caribbean: Cornfield Madness. It’s one of my favorite scenes, even though it’s not a heavily Jack Sparrow sequence.
Since this is fanfiction, I should probably note that I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters from the movie. I guess I own the elephant. It’s also worth noting I wrote this story before the POTC sequels came out, so it’s not always accurate with the later events in the characters’ lives. If you’re not familiar with POTC, you can read a synopsis here (or take my recommendation and go watch the movie; it’s wonderful).
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It was late afternoon when Norrington first heard that Jack was in town. He gathered together Lt. Gillette and an unspecified number of soldiers, and marched off for Will and Elizabeth’s house. He failed to take into account that he was attempting to capture Captain Jack Sparrow, who happens to be a master of quick escapes and split-second timing. So as Norrington, Gillette, and their unspecified number of soldiers marched up the stairs at the front of the house, Jack jumped out a second story window at the back of the house.
Jack might have escaped scot-free right there. Except for one little detail. He landed fine. Hit the ground just right, rolled exactly the way he was supposed to, that wasn’t a problem. Except that he dropped his hat in the process. If he’d just ignored it and run, he probably would have been out of sight and gone long before Norrington got to the window, leaving the Commodore with no trail. From there it would have been simple to hightail it back to the Pearl and set sail. But of course, he didn’t ignore it. And he still might have made it if not for the dog. It might have been the same one from the jail cell, and then again it might have been that one’s brother, but either way there was a dog and it liked this strange three-cornered object that had just dropped into its life. All of which explains why Jack was still in the courtyard arguing with a dog over legal property rights to hats when Norrington looked out the window.
Seeing the Commodore and hearing the shouts of “After him!” Jack bowed deeply, yanked his hat away from the dog (who howled broken-heartedly), clapped it on his head, and ran.
Tales of the Marvelous 