Tag: Writing

A Flying Pink Elephant

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fiction FridayLeave a comment

You did actually read that title correctly.  A little context: some of my best memories from high school revolve around Pirates of the Caribbean.  I had a close group of friends who were all big fans of the movie.  And I still do–we’re still friends.  One way this fandom and friendship manifested itself was that I ended up writing a POTC novel that pulled in a lot of the randomness of our high school friendship.  I only half count it as one of my novels, as I think it’s more accurate to call it a 200-page extended joke.

The essential plot-line (such as there was) is that Captain Jack Sparrow returns to Port Royal, and Commodore Norrington and his soldiers spend a night chasing Jack, Will and Elizabeth through a very bizarre cornfield.  I refuse to be held responsible for all the craziness, as some of it definitely came from my friends.

For Fiction Friday this week, I thought I’d share the opening chapter of Pirates of the Caribbean: Cornfield Madness.  It’s one of my favorite scenes, even though it’s not a heavily Jack Sparrow sequence.

Since this is fanfiction, I should probably note that I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any of the characters from the movie.  I guess I own the elephant.  It’s also worth noting I wrote this story before the POTC sequels came out, so it’s not always accurate with the later events in the characters’ lives.  If you’re not familiar with POTC, you can read a synopsis here (or take my recommendation and go watch the movie; it’s wonderful).

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            It was late afternoon when Norrington first heard that Jack was in town.  He gathered together Lt. Gillette and an unspecified number of soldiers, and marched off for Will and Elizabeth’s house.  He failed to take into account that he was attempting to capture Captain Jack Sparrow, who happens to be a master of quick escapes and split-second timing.  So as Norrington, Gillette, and their unspecified number of soldiers marched up the stairs at the front of the house, Jack jumped out a second story window at the back of the house.

            Jack might have escaped scot-free right there.  Except for one little detail.  He landed fine.  Hit the ground just right, rolled exactly the way he was supposed to, that wasn’t a problem.  Except that he dropped his hat in the process.  If he’d just ignored it and run, he probably would have been out of sight and gone long before Norrington got to the window, leaving the Commodore with no trail.  From there it would have been simple to hightail it back to the Pearl and set sail.  But of course, he didn’t ignore it.  And he still might have made it if not for the dog.  It might have been the same one from the jail cell, and then again it might have been that one’s brother, but either way there was a dog and it liked this strange three-cornered object that had just dropped into its life.  All of which explains why Jack was still in the courtyard arguing with a dog over legal property rights to hats when Norrington looked out the window. 

            Seeing the Commodore and hearing the shouts of “After him!”  Jack bowed deeply, yanked his hat away from the dog (who howled broken-heartedly), clapped it on his head, and ran. 

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The Curse Strikes

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fiction FridayLeave a comment

This week for Fiction Friday, I thought I’d share another excerpt from The People the Fairies Forget, my young adult fantasy novel.  You can read a little about the premise here, and catch up with previous excerpts here and here.

            In brief, the story so far: Princess Rosaline was cursed by the Evil Fairy Echinacea at her christening to prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die.  Good Fairy Marjoram transformed the death curse into a spell for enchanted sleep until awakened by a kiss.  Tarragon (a free agent fairy unaffiliated with either group, and our narrator) thinks the whole thing is kind of stupid.  He also has a wager on with Marj about whether True Love can be found among non-royalty; he says yes and she says no.  He’s chosen a goatherd named Jack and a kitchenmaid named Emmy, who works at Rosaline’s castle, to prove his point, although the details of how this will be demonstrated have yet to be revealed to the reader.

            As we join, Rosaline has just pricked her finger.  Marj, out of deep concern that Rosaline will be lonely if she wakes up in a hundred years and everyone else is gone, has put the rest of the castle to sleep too.  Tarry has seen to it that Jack and his herd of goats, including the Little One, a baby goat, have come to the castle to investigate.

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           When we arrived at the main entrance to the castle, Jack stopped short to stare at the yards and yards and yards of thorns.

            The area around the castle was by no means deserted.  A considerable crowd had gathered already, and more were arriving.  Many looked on with eager curiosity and loudly theorized regarding what had happened—they were plainly onlookers, come to see the excitement.  Others, the ones who appeared more distressed, had to be friends and relatives of the people inside.  Marj should’ve seen what she’d caused.  But she wasn’t there, of course.

            The goats settled in and started eating the lawn.  Jack eyed the thorns.  They weren’t just thorns.  Marj would never dream of magicking up something that plain and ugly, so she’d made enchanted roses instead. There were roses swarming all over the outer wall of the castle and spreading at least three hundred feet out into the fields in a tangled mass far above our heads.  They had vivid red blossoms and sharp thorns.

            Jack scratched the Little One’s head, and stared at the roses.  “I have to get through there.  How am I going to get through there?”

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Floriat Etona!

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fantasy, Juvenile, Reviews2 Comments
Eton College

Sometimes we don’t want to find out that our favorite villain had a troubled childhood.  Sometimes we don’t want those shades of gray.  It’s better to just have black be black and white be white, and good is good and bad is bad.

But Captain Hook was always an elegant and melancholy sort of villain anyway.  And I’ve read that in the earliest version of the play he went to his death shouting “Floriat Etona!” so all the historical grounding is there besides.

Capt. Hook: The Adventures of a Notorious Youth by J. V. Hart rounds out my series on Peter Pan-related books with another prequel–a non-Barrie but successful one.  This gives us the boy who becomes Hook while he was at school at Eton, the prestigious school for boys.

Like Geraldine McCaughrean, J. V. Hart demonstrates a clear knowledge of the material he’s drawing from.  Hook’s first name is firmly established as James, which he signs Jas.  Hart tells us that his name is James Matthew B, and that he is the bastard son of a never-named Lord.  The name sounds to me like a none-too-subtle reference to James Matthew Barrie.  James’ best friend is Roger Peter Davies–again with the reference in the name, since Peter Pan was named after Peter Davies.  Roger swiftly acquires the nickname of Jolly Roger, and gives us the origin for the name of Hook’s pirate ship.

I find James a fascinating character.  He’s not exactly likable, yet I have to keep reminding myself that he’s the villain.  Hart has given us a character who can be dashing and gentlemanly, but also send a poisonous spider to inflict illness on an enemy.  James will go into the dark places the heroes won’t go, and perform the dastardly deeds a hero won’t do, and yet he also possesses the charm and the dashing airs that are usually reserved for the characters you want to cheer on unreservedly.  Hart has given us a villain who can fall in love, show deep loyalty to his best friend, and have dreams about a magical island–and yet who still has a dark side.  I don’t feel like he’s tried to make Hook out as a good guy…but he’s written about a very complex dark character.

He’s actually made me feel sad to know that, even though James will find his magical island one day, he’ll never get to rule it.

And then I have to stop and remind myself that I’m on Peter’s side.  That when it came down to it, I would root for Peter.  Because I would still root for Peter.  But I have to remind myself.  And I feel a little sad for Hook.

The first section (and majority) of the novel is set at Eton, where adventures center around conflicts with upperclassmen, the Wall Game (an extremely bizarre tradition), and James’ forbidden attraction for a foreign princess.  Later in the book James goes to sea, setting up his career as a pirate.  On the one hand, the adventures become in some ways more adventurous at that point, more in the style of Peter Pan, but I also think some of that conflict of James as the dashing villain is lost, as he becomes almost too much like a straightforward hero once he goes to sea.

This book makes me want to visit Eton one day.  I’m not exactly sure what I want to see there, aside from the memorial to Lawrence “Titus” Oates.  Apparently it’s good luck to rub his nose.  I swear I’m not making that up.  Anyway…even though I don’t know what I want to see, I would rather like to see the alma mater of Captain Hook.  Also the Davies boys, incidentally.

I’ve been hoping for a sequel to this novel.  The book itself sets you up to expect one.  Although there isn’t exactly a cliffhanger, much is left unresolved.  So far, nothing, and I haven’t been able to find any word on whether one might be expected.  Maybe one day…  This is J.V. Hart’s first and so far only novel, but he has written many screenplays, including Hook.  Less relevantly but most excitingly for me, he also wrote the screenplay for Muppet Treasure Island, which I have to say is the best version of the story I’ve ever found–even above the original.  Sorry, Robert Louis Stevenson.

If you’ve read Peter Pan and wondered about that scene where Hook’s wandering around the Jolly Roger and sighing because no little children like him, or noticed that Hook has this strange obsession with good and bad form, or wondered what Barrie was getting at when he made these veiled comments about Hook attending a very prestigious school…or even if you’ve never thought about any of that but just thought Hook was a pretty good character, Capt. Hook is a book worth looking into.

How the Klingons Stole Christmas

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fiction Friday3 Comments

Once upon a time, I wrote a lot of Star Trek fanfiction.  And once upon a time, I decided it would be fun to rewrite “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” for the Star Trek universe.  So, in honor of the holiday, I’m going to be a bit geeky here, and share my retelling of the story–with respectful acknowledgement to Gene Roddenberry and Dr. Seuss, of course (two men who probably don’t come up in the same sentence all that often).

Happy Holidays to all!  And whether you celebrate Christmas or not, and whether you’re a Star Trek fan or not, I hope you get a laugh out of “How the Klingons Stole Christmas.”

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How the Klingons Stole Christmas

All the people in the Federation liked Christmas a lot,

But the Klingons on Quo’nos… the Klingons did not!

The Klingons hated the Federation, every alien race!
Now, please don’t ask why; they never stated their case.
It could be that their skull ridges affected their minds,
Or that their big boots weren’t quite the right size.
But I think the most likely reason may be,
That they had too much blood wine on a wild Klingon spree.

But,
Whatever the reason,
The wine or their boots,
The Klingons were all gathered, all in cahoots,
Planning a way, on the twenty-fourth of December,
To distress the Federation, down to every last member.
For they knew they were all preparing for their holiday toast,
And Christmas was when the Federation annoyed the Klingons the most!

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Meeting Captain Red Ballantyne

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fiction FridayLeave a comment

This week, I’m sharing the opening chapter of a novel I wrote set in the Caribbean during the Golden Age of piracy.  This chapter introduces you to my two main characters, Red and Tam.  I will probably share a few more of their adventures in later Fiction Fridays.  I hope you enjoy meeting them.

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            “Are you Captain Red Ballantyne?”  I tried not to sound eager.  I failed.

             He studied me, brown eyes looking over the rim of his drink, and one corner of his mouth twisted up in a sardonic smile.  “That depends, lad,” he drawled.  “Did a woman send you, and did she look mad?”

            I had expected something less colorful.  Something like “yes.” The truth was, I already knew that he was Red Ballantyne.  That had been obvious the moment he came into the tavern.  The tavern girls knew him by name, had greeted him with enthusiasm, and several were sitting giggling at the back corner table with him.

            “Red, be nice,” the blonde on his left said, in a scolding voice that wasn’t really a reprimand.  I didn’t know her name.  The girls in there mostly ran together for me. “Don’t tease the poor boy.”

            “Who’s teasing?  A man’s got to watch his back,” he said, giving her a look entirely different from the one he’d flicked towards me.  It was the kind of look that meant he was going to forget I existed in another four seconds.

            It had taken me an hour to find a chance to sneak out of the kitchen, where I was supposed to be washing dishes.  I wasn’t willing to be forgotten that fast.  “A woman didn’t send me,” I said.  “The British Navy didn’t either.”  I figured those were the ones he really ought to worry about, so maybe I should rule out their involvement too.

            “I am an honest businessman with no personal interest in the armed forces of any country,” Red said, even more quickly than I’d spoken.  All of us, him, me, and all three girls—based on their expressions—knew that he was lying.  “I am interested in more drinks, though.”

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