Month: February 2014

Laughing Over Book Titles

On By cherylmahoneyIn Ruminations4 Comments

This week’s Top Ten Tuesday topic was an invitation to choose from any of their previous weeks’ topics.  Well, it’s not Tuesday…but I thought that was such a fun idea to come up with a bookish topic for a post anyway!  So today I thought I’d write about a few of my favorite “Hilarious Book Titles,” with a thank-you to Top Ten Tuesday for the idea.

1) How I Stole Johnny Depp’s Alien Girlfriend by Gary Ghislain – This is a surprisingly accurate title, as the book is about an alien who comes to Earth looking for her perfect match; she has a picture, and it looks a lot like Johnny Depp.  Unfortunately, the title was the best part of the book, as the “I” of the title keeps romantically pursuing the alien girl even though she’s horrible to him–but beautiful.

2) Beatnik Rutabagas from Beyond the Stars by Quentin Dodd – Titles don’t get much better than that.  The book was actually a little too random for my taste–though I guess I should have expected it!

3, 4 & 5) The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There and The Girl Who Soared Over Fairyland and Cut the Moon in Two by Catherynne M. Valente – There’s nothing all that funny about any one of these titles, but when you put them all together it takes on a tinge of absurdity.  Or when you try to say them all on one breath.

6) The Celery Stalks at Midnight by James Howe – Part of the Bunnicula series, this book is about a possible attack by evil vegetables.  So…the celery stalk is stalking.  !!!

7, 8 & 9) Harpy Thyme, Roc and a Hard Place and Swell Foop by Piers Anthony – These are funnier if I explain that they’re about magical thyme that slows time, a giant bird, and a really terrific foop.  I perhaps should also mention that the Xanth series, of which these are a part, is powered mostly by puns…

10) A Semester in the Life of a Garbage Bag by Gordon Korman – This is both funny and deeply philosophical.  Really.  It’s a metaphor, based on a commercial showing the strength of a garbage bag, valiantly trying to hold together while more and more pressure is pumped in.  Anyone who’s felt stressed and can’t take one more thing can relate.

I find #1 and #2 to be the funniest titles–but #10 is the funniest book!

Can you think of any particularly funny titles?  Share a title (and a laugh) in a comment!

Classic Review: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fantasy, Juvenile, ReviewsLeave a comment

This Classic Review might have made more sense a few months ago, when I was beginning my reread through Narnia…but as I approach the end (just The Last Battle to go!), it seems like a good time to re-post my review of the first (or chronologically, the second) book in the series…The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis.

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I know I read this one before, but I honestly couldn’t tell you how long ago it was.  Years and years, although the story is so familiar that in some ways it doesn’t feel that long.  For those who don’t know the story (sidenote–I once overheard a woman tell a librarian she’d never heard of the series, so it’s possible), it’s the story of four children who go through a wardrobe and find themselves in the magical country of Narnia.  There they meet the great Lion Aslan and fight an epic battle against the White Witch.

It’s a wonderful story on many levels.  It’s a lovely children’s fantasy with dashing heroes, not too much blood, magical creatures like Mr. Tumnus and Mr. and Mrs Badger, and several stern admonitions that it’s very foolish to shut oneself inside of a wardrobe (I honestly think Lewis was worried about this, he repeats it so many times).  On a symbolic level, there’s a clear Christ story being retold.  I feel it works on both levels, for however you want to take it.  I’ve always thought that was the mark of the best kind of book–a good story and a strong message where neither one gets in the way of the other.

I enjoyed Lewis’ style very much–things happen so quickly!  Lucy, the first child into Narnia, gets there by page six.  As the adventures continue, they go on at a tumblingly-quick rate.  There’s even a point where Lewis writes, of an unpleasant night journey by sledge, “This lasted longer than I could describe even if I wrote pages and pages about it.”  Thankfully, he doesn’t bother, concluding, “But I will skip on to the time when the snow had stopped and the morning had come and they were racing along in the daylight.”

C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien were in the same writing group, The Inklings.  I’ve heard that Tolkien spent 20 years on The Lord of the Rings, and Lewis wrote The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe in a matter of weeks (something that I’ve also heard annoyed Tolkien no end!)  I have to say, it shows for both of them.  Different viewpoints on writing could consider that a plus or a minus to either one, but my preference would have to be with Lewis…

He begins the book with a lovely dedication to his goddaughter, the real-life Lucy.  In somewhat contradiction to the story that he wrote the book in a few weeks, he says that he wrote it for her but she grew up faster than it did and she’s now too old for it, “but some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”  Lewis clearly understood about the cross-age appeal of the best children’s stories.  We may go through an age where we think we’re too grown-up for “kids books,” but eventually we get old enough to realize we can come back to them too.  It seems you have to be a child to go to Narnia, but the books are lovely to visit for any age!

Calling on Chrestomanci

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fantasy, Juvenile, ReviewsLeave a comment

I recently reread The Lives of Christopher Chant, and have continued my chronological rereading of Diana Wynne Jones’ Chrestomanci series with Conrad’s Fate and Charmed Life.  Double review today!

Conrad’s Fate mostly focuses on 12-year-old Conrad of the title, whose magician uncle has told him he is cursed with a terrible Fate, and must go up to Stallery Castle and kill somewhere there to free himself of it.  Uncle magicians seem to never be a good thing, and all the sugar-coating in the world can’t put a very good face on a mission like that.  Conrad successfully obtains a servant job at the castle, but of course nothing goes smoothly after that.  He does make a friend of fellow-servant Christopher “Smith,” who is at Stallery Castle looking for his missing friend Millie.

This is a fun book to read chronologically after The Lives of Christopher Chant, because it fills in (some of) the missing link between the boy Christopher and the adult Chrestomanci of the other books.  Here Christopher is 15, and recognizably somewhere in transition between the two.  I would have quite liked to meet Christopher at around 20, to fill in a little more, but alas, we never got that book.

SPOILER WARNING: I think this book suffered in just one small way from being written after many of the others in the series.  At the end, Christopher and Millie’s wedding is tossed off as a by-the-way, which makes perfect sense if read after all the other books, where their marriage is a foregone conclusion.  Read in chronological order, it feels like there should be more to that story! SPOILERS DONE

Christopher and Millie aside, most of the book focuses on Conrad, who is remarkably likable for having come to the castle with murderous intent.  He’s so unhappy about the idea of killing someone, you see, and he’s so terribly earnest in all other ways.  He’s not a stock character by any means, but he is another of a collection of well-meaning, slightly inept boy heroes who populate Jones’ books.  They’re always such fun to read about, though!

I happened to be reading this at the same time that Downton Abbey was airing, which made for some interesting thought-connections.  Stallery Castle in many ways feels very like Downton Abbey…except with magic!  Magic starts running amok and disrupting the neat order of the servants hall, with disastrous results–of course!

Charmed Life has its own boy hero, Eric “Cat” Chant, who is very thoroughly under the thumb of his erratic, witch-in-training sister, Gwendolen.  Cat and Gwendolen’s parents died in a boating accident, and they’re taken in first by a local witch and then by the mysterious Chrestomanci.  Gwendolen does not like life at Chrestomanci Castle in the slightest, and kicks up a series of magical pranks, culminating in changing places (sort of) with Janet, her double from another world.

Somewhere deep in my subconscious I tagged “Gwendolen” as an unpleasant name, and it may be because of this book.  She’s a nasty piece of work–but she also provides much of the excitement and entertainment of the story.  Cat is perfectly sweet and likable, but he’s also extremely reactionary for most of the book.  Chrestomanci punishes him at one point because he didn’t try to stop Gwendolen from causing trouble, and there’s some valid justification in that.

We’re mostly in Cat’s point of view so I understand how he feels about Gwendolen and why he doesn’t take a more active role…but I still kind of want to shake him.  Although, to be fair, I mostly feel that way when I think back on the book.  When I was actually reading it, I didn’t give that much thought, because the crises and the humor come fast and furious and I didn’t do much analysis of Cat’s actions.

This was the first book  of the series written, and there are some mysteries lost by reading it later.  When you know who and what Chrestomanci is, it clears up a lot of questions Cat has (and probably the reader is supposed to have).  Christopher of the previous two books is Chrestomanci here, and on the opposite side of the order-to-read question, I did have fun spotting little hints and clues that were expanded so much more in The Lives of Christopher Chant.

And Chrestomanci is, of course, an absolute delight as a character, so suave and sophisticated and vague in a terribly incisive way.  Not to mention his fantastical dressing gowns!  Just one representative quote on the character: “Chrestomanci smiled and swept out of the room like a very long procession of one person.”

Chronologically-read or publishing-order-read, these are delightful books in a delightful series.  With three down and several to go, I’m not sure I have a favorite yet, and none have been disappointing.  I look forward to the rest!

Author’s Site: http://www.dianawynnejones.com/

Other reviews:

Conrad’s Fate
Chris White Writes
A Journey Through Pages
Jean Little Library

Charmed Life
The Rhubosphere
The Book Smugglers
Readers By Night

Anyone else?

Buy them here: Conrad’s Fate and Charmed Life

Fiction Friday: The Wrath of Khan, Spoofed (Part Three)

On By cherylmahoneyIn Fiction Friday2 Comments

My recent experience with The Great Khan Adventure reminded me of a long-ago spoof I wrote of The Wrath of Khan.  Read Part One here and Part Two here.  Today the adventure concludes.  I do not claim to own Star Trek, any of the characters, etc.

We pick up the story shortly after Kirk’s epic shrieking to the skies.  You know when I mean.

[Some time later; still down in the cave.  Kirk has recovered from his momentary burst of rage.  Everyone looks pretty depressed though.]

David: Well this is just great.  We’re going to be stuck here forever.

Kirk: We’ll see.  Meanwhile, are there any McDonalds down here?  I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m starving.

McCoy: How can you think of food right now?!

Kirk: [shrugs] I’m hungry.  And what good would fasting possibly do?

[McCoy rolls his eyes.]

Carol: There’s no hamburgers, but there’s enough food for a lifetime in the Genesis Cave.

Kirk: The Genesis Cave?

Carol: The cave we created with Genesis.

Kirk: I see where you got the name.

David: Come on, I’ll show you.

[David, Saavik, and McCoy exit, leaving Carol and Kirk.]

Kirk: Carol, can I talk to you?

Carol: If you must.

Kirk: Why didn’t you ever tell David I’m his father?

Audience: Wooow!  Kirk’s got a son!

Carol: You ran off and left me for your career.  I didn’t want him doing the same.

Kirk: Oh fine!  Turn the guilt around on me!

Carol: You deserve it.

Kirk: Ouch.

Carol: So how are you feeling?

Kirk: Old.  Remind me to book an appointment with my hairstylist when we get out of this.

[Soon enough, Kirk and Carol join the others in the Genesis cave.  The group spreads out a bit.  Saavik wishes to speak with Kirk.]

Saavik: Admiral, I would like to discuss the Kobayashi Maru with you.

Kirk: Are you still thinking about that, Cadet?

Saavik: That is not logical.  If I were not thinking about it, I would not be speaking of it.

McCoy: [laughs] After all these years of Spock, and she still got you on that one.

[Kirk just looks at him.]

McCoy: Well, you did walk into that, Jim.

Saavik: Admiral, how did you handle the Kobayashi Maru?

Kirk: Well, I…

McCoy: You are looking at the only person to ever beat the Kobayashi Maru.

Saavik: HOW? [coughs]  I mean…how?

Kirk: Well, I…hacked into the computer and changed the settings.

Saavik: [stunned] You cheated!

Kirk: I changed the rules.

Saavik: You cheated!

Kirk: I received a commendation for original thinking.

Saavik: You cheated!

Kirk: No need to belabor the point.  I think I’ve got it.

McCoy: No, Jim.  She has the points.  Two of them.

[They both give him a Look.]

McCoy: [shrugs] You couldn’t expect me to just pass that one up.

Kirk: Riiight.  So.  Anyone know what time it is?

Saavik: We have been here 2.000013 hours.  If you like, I can carry it out another 23 decimal place—

Kirk: That’s not necessary.

McCoy: [moans] Tell me I’m not stranded with her forever.

Kirk: You’re in luck, Bones.  None of us are stranded here!  I’m going to call Spock.

McCoy: And Spock is going to get us out of solid rock how?

Kirk: A transporter of course.

McCoy: Which won’t have power for two days.

Kirk: [superior] On the contrary.  Some regulation or other, I forget which, insists that we must communicate in code.  Therefore, hours like days means that two days actually meant two hours.

McCoy: And you don’t mention these things to me?

Kirk: Nope.  [flips out communicator] Kirk to Enterprise.  Multiple people to beam up.

[Everyone beams out.]

[Up on the ship, things are grim.  It seems that the Enterprise is partially repaired, but the Reliant is in even better shape.  Don’t ask how, considering the Enterprise has Scotty, but somehow this is true.  Kirk has the brilliant plan of entering the Mutara Nebula where, reasons unknown, the odds will be more even.  Battle ensues.  Kirk, of course, wins.  Unfortunately, there’s a slight hitch.  Khan, in his dying moments, successfully launches the Genesis torpedo at the Enterprise.  If it hits, it will create new life.  And destroy all the old life.  Unfortunately, there’s an even bigger hitch.  The Enterprise lost warp power, and can’t escape.]

Kirk: [into comm] Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes, or we’re all dead!

Scotty: [over comm] Um, ye don’ mean that lit’rally, do ye?

Kirk: Scotty, I need warp power!

Scotty: I was afeared of that.  The radiation flooded the chamber, and I can’t repair it!

[Spock abruptly stands up from his station and leaves the bridge.  No one seems to notice.]

Kirk: Sulu, take us out on impulse!

Sulu: Aye, sir.

[David shakes his head.]

David: We’ll never make it.

Kirk: Don’t be a pessimist.  No son of mine has any business being a pessimist.

David: Actually, that depends on whether the characteristic is genetic or learned.  If pessimism is hereditary, you’re correct.  However, if pessimism is learned behavior then there is no connection whatsoever, considering I never saw you before today.

Kirk: [blinks] If he’s my son, why does he sound like Spock?

[Down in engineering, Spock enters.  Scotty, naturally, is there.  Also McCoy, even though he’s a doctor not an engineer and has no business being in Engineering.  Scotty seems out of it already.]

Spock: Where is the problem?

[McCoy points towards the chamber.]

McCoy: In there.  The radiation levels—

[Spock, taking gloves from Scotty, starts towards the radiation chamber.  McCoy, realizing what he’s doing, tries to hold him back.]

McCoy: Spock, no!

Spock: It is necessary.  Besides, I have gloves.

McCoy: The radiation!  You’ll be killed!

Spock: I expect so.  Even despite my gloves.

McCoy: I won’t let you!

[Spock pauses and regards McCoy.]

Spock: Perhaps you are right.

[McCoy relaxes, and Spock nerve-pinches him.  McCoy slumps towards the floor.]

Spock: If I survive this, I no doubt will never hear the end of this brief moment of illogic.  But right now I lack time to be logical.

[Then, cryptically, he puts his hand on McCoy’s forehead.]

Spock: Remember…

[Spock enters the chamber.]
[Meanwhile on the bridge, things are tense.]

Kirk: [solemn] I think this may be the end…

Sulu: Sir!  We have warp power!

Kirk: Get us out of here!  Fast!

[Sulu does, and they manage to escape the Genesis torpedo, which detonates behind them, into the Nebula.  This will, in a very short bit of time, create a new planet.  Everyone sighs with relief.]

Kirk: Looks like we survived certain death after all.  Again.  [taps a button]  Engineering.  [a moment passes] Engineering?

McCoy: [over comm] McCoy here…

[Somehow, McCoy has recovered from nerve-pinching much faster than one would expect.]

Kirk: Bones, tell Scotty he’s a miracle.

McCoy: [hollow sounding] It…wasn’t Scotty.

Kirk: Spock, then.

McCoy: Spock…he…  [urgent] Jim, you better get down here.

Kirk: In a minute, Bones, I have to—

McCoy: [near frantic] No, Jim!  Get down here!  Run!

Kirk: [uncertain] Well…all right, I’ll—

McCoy: Stop talking!  Move!

[Kirk does.]

[In engineering; Kirk comes running in]

Kirk: All right, what’s the proble— [he sees Spock, still in the chamber] Spock!

[Kirk tries to rush into the chamber after him.  Scotty and McCoy restrain him.]

McCoy: Jim, no!

Scotty: It’s too late…the radiation…

Kirk: Damn the radiation!

McCoy: It’s too late to help him, Jim!

[Kirk goes to the glass side of the chamber.]

Kirk: Spock!  What will we do without you?  We’ll lose fans by the droves!

Spock: Don’t…worry.  My death…is logical.

Kirk: That doesn’t make me feel better!

Spock: Sometimes…the needs of the many…outweigh the needs…of the few.  Or the one…

Kirk: Spock!

Spock: Live long…and prosper…Jim…

[Spock dies.]

Audience: Nooooo!  Spock!  [sobs and wails]

[Kirk sits against the chamber wall, and looks blankly at Scotty and McCoy.]

Kirk: [stunned] He’s dead, Bones.

McCoy: I know…

[Spock’s funeral; the crew has gathered to pay their respects.  Kirk is giving the eulogy.]

Kirk: [choked up] And of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most…human.

[McCoy nudges him.]

McCoy: Uh, Jim?

Kirk: Not now, Bones.  This is very dramatic.

McCoy: But, Jim, about the speech—

Kirk: Please, Bones, you’re spoiling the drama in my speech.

McCoy: But, Jim, Spock wouldn’t like your panegyric!

Kirk: [blinks] My what?

McCoy: Eulogy!

Kirk: I beg your pardon, I think I know Spock, and I—

McCoy: After debating with the man for years, I can state for a fact that he wasn’t exactly proud of being human!  Every time he acted human he’d get embarrassed, and then wind up even more embarrassed because he’d been embarrassed, since embarrassment is a human emotion, and emotions made him embarrassed.

Kirk: Wait, wait, you lost me somewhere…

McCoy: He wouldn’t exactly want it said at his funeral that he had a very human soul.  Trust me.  When it comes to Spock’s soul, I should know.

Kirk: Well now, come to think of it…  Let’s rewind a bit here…

Kirk: [choked up] And of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most…Vulcan.

McCoy: [shakes head] No, Jim.  You’re still not hitting it.

Kirk: No?  Okay, here we go again…

Kirk: [choked up] And of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, I can say for sure he was…a great guy!

McCoy: [shrugs] It’ll work.

Kirk: Great!  Hit it, Scotty.

[Scotty plays “Amazing Grace” on his bagpipes.  In the background can be heard sobbing, some from the crew, mostly from the audience.]

Kirk: [saddened] Send his coffin into space.

McCoy: [muttering to himself] I have the strangest feeling this is a bad idea…  [shrugs] Well, no logical reason not to send the coffin off.  [He does not seem aware he has said anything odd.]

[The coffin is sent off.]

[Later, in Kirk’s quarters.  The door chimes.]

Kirk: Come in.

[David enters.]

Kirk: Oh.  Hello.

David: Hello.  I just wanted to tell you…after watching you fight Khan…I’m proud to be your son.

Kirk: [beams] Oh how wonderful!  A bonding moment!

[They hug.  An unidentified voice shrieks from above.]

Voice: [shrieks] Kodak moment!

[A hundred camera bulbs go off, blinding Kirk and David.]

[Later; the Enterprise is on its way back to Earth.  Kirk and McCoy are standing on the observation deck, looking out at the stars.]

Kirk: I still can’t believe he’s gone.  Life just won’t be the same without him.

McCoy: I know, Jim.  But all we can do is go on.

Kirk: [solemn] Yes.  It’s what Spock would have wanted.  And while this is the end of the movie, somehow I don’t think it’s the end of humanity’s journey.

Audience: [grumbling] It just better not be…

[The Genesis planet: The view pans over tropical plants and flowers.  Everywhere there is life.  The camera comes to rest on Spock’s coffin, in an obvious bit of foreshadowing.]

Audience: Okay, so when’s the next movie?

Stranded with the Romulans

On By cherylmahoneyIn Reviews, Science FictionLeave a comment

Romulan WayA couple years ago I bought five unread Star Trek novels at my library’s sale.  I finally finished reading the last of them!  The Romulan Way by Diane Duane and Peter Morwood was probably the most unusual of the bunch…though not, unfortunately, the best.

This is really two books in one, with alternating chapters.  The main plot focuses on Arrhae, housekeeper in a Romulan noble house…and secretly a Federation spy.  Her cover and her loyalties are thrown into question by the arrival of a captured Starfleet officer, a certain Leonard McCoy.  Interspersed with Arrhae and McCoy’s story are chapters detailing the history of the Romulans–or the Rihannsu, in their own language.

I think this book is the Romulan answer to Spock’s World, also by Diane Duane.  That book alternates an Enterprise story with stories from Vulcan’s history.  However, while that history is (mostly) told as short stories with a mythical tone, the history here reads like something from a history text–and sometimes a rather dry one.  It’s unfortunate, because there are clearly fantastic adventures of death and betrayal and the conquering of worlds…but it’s all told with a decidedly scholarly remove.  I wound up skimming a lot of these sections.

Arrhae’s story was better, as I found her situation decidedly fascinating, and she was a very different character than we usually see in Starfleet.  The political maneuverings of the Romulans, and the various plots underway by Starfleet, were confusing at times (Romulan names are hard to remember…) but I followed the gist of it and there were some exciting moments.  This was originally published as an independent novel, then later rebranded as a sequel to Duane’s earlier novel, My Enemy, My Ally, with characters from that book showing up here–not having read it, that may have added some confusion.

McCoy, of course, I love, and he was in fine form here (writers have been known to stumble on him more than the others, I don’t know why).  However–Kirk and Spock (and everyone else) never even put in a cameo, and McCoy all by himself is, well, only a third as much fun!

Star Trek books are in a way of niche appeal, though it’s a pretty big niche.  I think this particular book is really for a niche within the niche.  For a fan who loves the world of Star Trek, who loves knowing about the alien cultures, this is an amazing book.  If you’re more about the characters (me), well, it wasn’t a bad book by any means–but I don’t think it’s staying on my bookshelf all the same.  I’m much, much fonder of Duane’s other Dr. McCoy-focused book, Doctor’s Orders.

Authors’ sites: http://www.dianeduane.com/ and http://www.petermorwood.com/

Other reviews:
Trek Lit Reviews
The m0vie Blog
Anyone else?

Buy it here: The Romulan Way